I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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