So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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