and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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