so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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