look no pants
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
