paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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