There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
