we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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