why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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