Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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