Non-Jews are for practice
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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