hotel room ftw
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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