another moral hangover. fuck.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
