Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
