i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
