so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
