so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
