You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
