Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize