Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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