I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
