had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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