you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
