im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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