party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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