i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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