So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
you had me at cake vodka
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
