Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
