Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
