You just made me feel so damn special
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
