There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
