i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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