All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Randomize
