I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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