Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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