There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
