i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
