i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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