Kiss
Puke
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Randomize
