Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
