Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
