drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I lost the right to judge tonight
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
