i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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