I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
