It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
