I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
