I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
