did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
