I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I'm going to jail i love you
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Randomize
