She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
