Are we in a gay sports bar?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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