Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
We need to get me chipped asap
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
