Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Found your dick twin last night
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
