I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
