Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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