i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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