Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
