Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
