whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
