I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
