i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
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