well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
