Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
