The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Dicks are not precious.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
