So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
