My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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