he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
