ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
She told me I should be a condom model.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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