): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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