Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize