Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
