I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize