i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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