You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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