Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
