You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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