Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
