Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
