youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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