genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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