She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Randomize
