i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I CAN MOONWALK!
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
