Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
