Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
