I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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