I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
