apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize