glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
