Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize