dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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