I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
