I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
