Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
