I think im going to throw up on grandma
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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