just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
