My nipple is on Facebook.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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