Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
