On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
